insecure | Sold Out Arenas

It looks like my last post was roughly three years ago and the post before that was super old as well. What can I say? Life and the horrible state of our nation has me busy and demotivated all at once. I’m hesitant to post and share about anything because honestly, I am just tired and oftentimes, disappointed with human beings. I’d like to think that those with opinions that are different from mine would be open to hearing, rather than just listening. Anyhow, we may get to that in a later post. For now, here is a quick overview of life in the last three years. My family and I have a YouTube channel that I am also, very inconsistent at uploading to, however, there is a ton of content. Go ahead and subscribe!

I changed my hair a few times, and by a few, I mean more than three.

Here we have a super lame facial expression with red-brown color. Who is this? Why is she looking at me like this?

After this, I found out I was pregnant and I am the worst pregnant person in the world who refuses to do my hair or wear any makeup because it is awful and I am always tired. As you can see, I have the color in my hair in this picture.

Viola, my hair is black and I look just as happy as I did in the previous picture.

About three months after I had Helena, I was going back to work, time to change the hair again. Insert the word that I can never pronounce, balayage (aka, hand painted, expensive, highlights). Oh and I was convinced to color my eyebrows that looks exactly the same to me, just $20 more expensive then my regular eyebrow color, which was free, thank you genetics.

Beautiful! Lovely! Stunning! That is, before the infamous, post-baby shed began. No photos or evidence of that was documented.

MORE BALAYAGE!!

I balayage’d my hair so hard that I ended up with an ombre and fried hair! I was done with it and by done, I mean, well, just look at the next picture.

I hacked that hair off into a lob (apologies for the picture quality). Well, not me, a trained, over $100 a pop, professional.

After that, i figured that I didn’t ‘lob’ hard enough but couldn’t afford an expensive lob so I went to a cheaper ‘lobber’.

This lob was a bit too dramatic for my life, the back was pretty short. So what did I do? The unthinkable! I said forget this, cut it all off! Thankfully, the shop that I frequent serves wine in the evening and I sure needed it. My hair has never been this short.

Do I like it? Sometimes. I like how quickly I can dry it and style it. Sometimes it will not all fit into a ponytail and that is annoying. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ve never had hair this short and I need it to ‘grow’ on me. I am growing it back out from this length and will not be cutting it for at least one year. My stylist thinks we will ‘trim’ it in September but she doesn’t know me that well.

Other life things that happened, Oh yea, the baby. 🙂 She is closer to two than a baby but her she is! She LOVES to put my shirts on like they are dresses.

We got a new puppy! Joshua named him Kobe and he is… well, a puppy.

He is great with the kids and they love him. I love him too, I just wish he was 5 years older and a bit more chill.

Joshua is still the funniest and most energetic kid that I know. He loves with his entire heart and plays with every ounce of energy he has.

We saw a couple of movies this year, “Murder on the Orient Express” and “Black Panther”. Can I just say, Black Panther was AMAZING!!!!!

My husband is still, and will always be, very attractive.

I broke my shoe as soon as I got to work one morning, not that you care but, hey that’s part of my life too.

There you have it. I don’t know why I decided that my hair changes would be the highlight of the last few years but hey, it is the one thing that I consistently do for myself. Maybe I will post regularly again, maybe I won’t. We will just have to see what happens. I have received notification of new followers and want you to know that I see you and appreciate you!

I am insecure. Often unsure of myself, rarely seeing the compliments in me that fall from the lips of others. It hits me, then rolls off as the negative words in my mind cloud the space. My insecurities do not reside on my physical appearance so much; rather on my ability to accomplish my goals and dreams. For every step I take at least 15 scenarios run through my mind all resulting in failure. Those scenarios have delayed my growth, however, they have never stopped it.

It is but one very powerful voice that also exists within. This voice battles every scenario and forces me into action. Actions that are terrifying and ones that I doubt. Inside I hear everything telling me that other people can do this but that I can’t. I’m not good enough. To be honest… some days, I don’t win. Some days, I believe that I can’t accomplish the goals I have set for myself. You can even say that some days I am the one sabotaging my own success. Fear strangles me paralyzing my growth. That one strong voice is the reason that I have been successful at anything at all.

Appearing so confident I tell others that I can do anything and so can everyone else; those who don’t are just lazy. Projecting my negative attitude about myself onto others. Being insecure is viewed so negatively. I view it as a result of being hurt or seeing negative images in our own lives or in the media. As a woman I feel that we have been taught to keep our mouths shut, stand up straight, be a lady but do like the boys do. Yes women are emotional but we are expected to be able to control that. A woman who cries in public is viewed as weak and unable to handle even simple tasks. I have silently cried in the bathroom at work for one reason or another a few times in my life. Sadly I have the same ideas about women crying in the workplace because I don’t want them to no longer be taken seriously.

Why does crying have to be a sign of weakness instead of strength? It takes power to let others see you cry. It takes strength to ask for help. Everyone should be allowed to shed a tear or two without being judged; including men. My tears fall for many reasons not just out of sadness.

This new business venture that I have exposed to the world has been terrifying. Some days I want to quit and I don’t think it will work. At times I feel like I am overwhelming people because it is something that I talk about so often. Let’s just say that this post is a way to open up and say that it is alright to be insecure. It is not alright to let that take over and to allow other people to make you feel inferior. What’s worse is that we make ourselves more inferior by regurgitating those negative words as they continue to be a resounding echo.

Let’s try to join together and be more positive and talk better to ourselves and each other. Women have been raised to be competitive with one another. Let’s stop comparing and start helping each other succeed. Make a generation of strong confident women that stand up to any challenge and conquer it with grace and dignity.

Thank you for stopping by and reading. Also, there are only about 12 days left to get the first two shirt styles below and we only need to sell about 20 more shirts in order to start printing. The third shirt is a new design available in Regular and Dri-Fit. If we don’t hit our goal the shirts will not print and you will not be charged. Thank you in advance for all of your support.