Self-conscious selfie’s

It has been awhile since I have taken any full body pictures and posted them on the internet. I don’t know if it is because I am now 30 and feel that I should have a better physique than I do or what. I will post a picture like this one.

It shows mostly my face and I even crop out my forehead. Not that I really care that it is big, I just needed to make the picture fit. I’ve been no stranger to posting pictures of myself on the internet after a sweaty workout. I just haven’t done that in a very long time. I guess you could say that I am now self conscious about everything. I don’t feel like it has always been this way. I don’t even know what is making me feel this way. I want so badly to actually complete my fitness goals and stay on track but I sabotage myself. I allow my mind to make an excuse that will allow me to have this unhealthy food, or that unhealthy food. I just want to be at peace with myself and be happy about it. I have never really struggled with fitness all that much. My biggest problem is the cheesy goodness that I love to put in my mouth. Add that to the bread and tortillas and you have got yourself one unhealthy combination.

So, in light of being transparent and trying to be real with myself and the world. I have started a second Instagram account. One that I will only post fitness related photos to. I will still have my main account: cmarq01 if you want to follow that one. My new fitness IG is Christinafits. I chose this name because I want to fit whatever my goal is. I want to fit my own image of health and beauty. I want to stop looking at other people and then thinking that I am fat. Basically, I want to fit in with myself and not care if I fit in with everyone else. That sounds so simple but in fact, it will probably be the most difficult thing that I have ever done. If all goes well, I will hopefully start a YouTube channel after my wedding to document my journey. I need to see that I am doing something better. I can’t just look at pictures. Without further ado… here is a screenshot of my first photo for the new Instagram account. Completely stripped down and self-conscious. I’m working on changing my #selfconsciousselfie to #confidentselfie. Lets see how long it takes. Who’s with me?

Week 4 Update

This morning while I was getting ready for work my son came and asked me to take a picture of him.

The result is absolutely the most adorable thing I have seen all day long. As he gets closer and closer to turning 4 (September) he is becoming more polite and doing a much better job at following my instructions. It brings me peace because the last year or so has been a difficult time of him testing me multiple times. I love my son so much and his face just makes everything in my life perfect (even when he makes me feel crazy).

Today starts Week 4 of my personal eating challenge in which I set the following guidelines.

I will only have one cheat per week on each of the twelve weeks.

I am going to log all of my food in MFP – feel free to find me; cmarq01

Continue Facebook fitness challenges

Blog once per week on my progress and come clean if I have any struggles

So, I have yet to do all of these things in an entire week. This has not stopped me from continuing to do it. Today is the first day of Week 4 and I am going to do this. Yesterday I even did a pretty difficult workout with my fiancé (it feels so weird to type that word still, lol).

We ran up a very steep hill (pushing my son in the jogging stroller) at Iroquois Park and at the top of the hill there is a playground and a basketball court. When we reached the top of the hill we let my son play on the playground and we used the equipment to do 5 sets of 10 Pull-ups (modified for me, I have reached ‘real’ pull-up status quite yet), push-ups and dips. Our arms were killing us when we were done. We took a short break and allowed my son to run around and play a bit more and then headed back down the hill. I couldn’t get my run keeper app to act right the second time which is why the distance is less and the speed slower than the first run up hill.

Following the run we did have pizza. Yep, I ate it, enjoyed it and then when I got home I prepped my healthy breakfast and lunch for the day and kept it moving. I know I could have made a different choice and I should have but sometimes, pizza happens.

I’ll be heading to the gym after work for another round of working out unless the weather is nice and in that case I will go home and go for a run outside. I prefer that over the gym any day! I am always more active in the warmer months because I love being active and spending time in the sun.

Have you had warm weather lately? What is your favorite workout routine?

12 Week Update

Well hello there friends. It’s Tuesday and it is a workday so let’s just move forward and talk about how I’m doing on my challenge. To recap, here are the goals that I set for myself in this fun little challenge.

• I will only have one cheat per week on each of the twelve weeks.
• I am going to log all of my food in MFP – feel free to find me; cmarq01
• Continue Facebook fitness challenges
• Blog once per week on my progress and come clean if I have any struggles

So last week I had life happen to me on Wednesday. I can tell you that I did an amazing job following my eating plan through the entire day on Tuesday and Wednesday until the evening. I met with a wellness coach that I have at work and we talked about the goals that I have in life and what keeps me from reaching my goals(emotional eating/not eating). I found out some pretty difficult information that I prefer not to share on the blog at this time Wednesday evening. I was caught pretty off guard and actually forgot to eat dinner. I say that but I really just didn’t even try to. I fed my son so I clearly knew that it was time to eat but the thought of it just wouldn’t allow me to do it.

I couldn’t really sleep all night and when the morning came I was still just angry. It was weird because I didn’t actually feel any emotions I was just mad and had a bit of rage in my heart. I took a bite of a granola bar in an attempt to eat and tried to eat lunch again. When dinner came it was the same thing. The following day I managed to make myself eat a couple of bites of food but not really enough to matter. I know in my mind that if I don’t eat it will eventually cause weight gain from my body going into starvation mode so I consciously make the choice to eat something.

By Saturday I was feeling slight improvement but still only able to eat very small portions. That night I was able to get some rest and my appetite crept back that day. The food that I was eating wasn’t healthy but since I hadn’t really eaten much my stomach has shrunk a little bit.

I didn’t work out one time last week. I’m very disappointed in that aspect as well. I logged my food the beginning of the week and fell off when I wasn’t really eating.

Week 1 was crap. Week 1 is usually my best but I will accept the fact that it was not and move forward on my good choice that I have made so far this week. I’m not going to let that hold me back. It has further made me realize that I need to continue to work with my wellness coach on how to be better and ways to handle stress and high emotional points.

I’ll be back next week with another post and to tell you how great I nailed it this week! Have a great Tuesday my friends.