Self-conscious selfie’s

It has been awhile since I have taken any full body pictures and posted them on the internet. I don’t know if it is because I am now 30 and feel that I should have a better physique than I do or what. I will post a picture like this one.

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It shows mostly my face and I even crop out my forehead. Not that I really care that it is big, I just needed to make the picture fit. I’ve been no stranger to posting pictures of myself on the internet after a sweaty workout. I just haven’t done that in a very long time. I guess you could say that I am now self conscious about everything. I don’t feel like it has always been this way. I don’t even know what is making me feel this way. I want so badly to actually complete my fitness goals and stay on track but I sabotage myself. I allow my mind to make an excuse that will allow me to have this unhealthy food, or that unhealthy food. I just want to be at peace with myself and be happy about it. I have never really struggled with fitness all that much. My biggest problem is the cheesy goodness that I love to put in my mouth. Add that to the bread and tortillas and you have got yourself one unhealthy combination.

So, in light of being transparent and trying to be real with myself and the world. I have started a second Instagram account. One that I will only post fitness related photos to. I will still have my main account: cmarq01 if you want to follow that one. My new fitness IG is Christinafits. I chose this name because I want to fit whatever my goal is. I want to fit my own image of health and beauty. I want to stop looking at other people and then thinking that I am fat. Basically, I want to fit in with myself and not care if I fit in with everyone else. That sounds so simple but in fact, it will probably be the most difficult thing that I have ever done. If all goes well, I will hopefully start a YouTube channel after my wedding to document my journey. I need to see that I am doing something better. I can’t just look at pictures. Without further ado… here is a screenshot of my first photo for the new Instagram account. Completely stripped down and self-conscious. I’m working on changing my #selfconsciousselfie to #confidentselfie. Lets see how long it takes. Who’s with me?

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Week 4 Update

This morning while I was getting ready for work my son came and asked me to take a picture of him.

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The result is absolutely the most adorable thing I have seen all day long. As he gets closer and closer to turning 4 (September) he is becoming more polite and doing a much better job at following my instructions. It brings me peace because the last year or so has been a difficult time of him testing me multiple times. I love my son so much and his face just makes everything in my life perfect (even when he makes me feel crazy).

Today starts Week 4 of my personal eating challenge in which I set the following guidelines.

I will only have one cheat per week on each of the twelve weeks.

I am going to log all of my food in MFP – feel free to find me; cmarq01

Continue Facebook fitness challenges

Blog once per week on my progress and come clean if I have any struggles

So, I have yet to do all of these things in an entire week. This has not stopped me from continuing to do it. Today is the first day of Week 4 and I am going to do this. Yesterday I even did a pretty difficult workout with my fiancé (it feels so weird to type that word still, lol).

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We ran up a very steep hill (pushing my son in the jogging stroller) at Iroquois Park and at the top of the hill there is a playground and a basketball court. When we reached the top of the hill we let my son play on the playground and we used the equipment to do 5 sets of 10 Pull-ups (modified for me, I have reached ‘real’ pull-up status quite yet), push-ups and dips. Our arms were killing us when we were done. We took a short break and allowed my son to run around and play a bit more and then headed back down the hill. I couldn’t get my run keeper app to act right the second time which is why the distance is less and the speed slower than the first run up hill.

Following the run we did have pizza. Yep, I ate it, enjoyed it and then when I got home I prepped my healthy breakfast and lunch for the day and kept it moving. I know I could have made a different choice and I should have but sometimes, pizza happens.

I’ll be heading to the gym after work for another round of working out unless the weather is nice and in that case I will go home and go for a run outside. I prefer that over the gym any day! I am always more active in the warmer months because I love being active and spending time in the sun.

Have you had warm weather lately? What is your favorite workout routine?

12 Week Update

Well hello there friends. It’s Tuesday and it is a workday so let’s just move forward and talk about how I’m doing on my challenge. To recap, here are the goals that I set for myself in this fun little challenge.

  • I will only have one cheat per week on each of the twelve weeks.
  • I am going to log all of my food in MFP – feel free to find me; cmarq01
  • Continue Facebook fitness challenges
  • Blog once per week on my progress and come clean if I have any struggles

So last week I had life happen to me on Wednesday. I can tell you that I did an amazing job following my eating plan through the entire day on Tuesday and Wednesday until the evening. I met with a wellness coach that I have at work and we talked about the goals that I have in life and what keeps me from reaching my goals(emotional eating/not eating). I found out some pretty difficult information that I prefer not to share on the blog at this time Wednesday evening. I was caught pretty off guard and actually forgot to eat dinner. I say that but I really just didn’t even try to. I fed my son so I clearly knew that it was time to eat but the thought of it just wouldn’t allow me to do it.

I couldn’t really sleep all night and when the morning came I was still just angry. It was weird because I didn’t actually feel any emotions I was just mad and had a bit of rage in my heart. I took a bite of a granola bar in an attempt to eat and tried to eat lunch again. When dinner came it was the same thing. The following day I managed to make myself eat a couple of bites of food but not really enough to matter. I know in my mind that if I don’t eat it will eventually cause weight gain from my body going into starvation mode so I consciously make the choice to eat something.

By Saturday I was feeling slight improvement but still only able to eat very small portions. That night I was able to get some rest and my appetite crept back that day. The food that I was eating wasn’t healthy but since I hadn’t really eaten much my stomach has shrunk a little bit.

I didn’t work out one time last week. I’m very disappointed in that aspect as well. I logged my food the beginning of the week and fell off when I wasn’t really eating.

Week 1 was crap. Week 1 is usually my best but I will accept the fact that it was not and move forward on my good choice that I have made so far this week. I’m not going to let that hold me back. It has further made me realize that I need to continue to work with my wellness coach on how to be better and ways to handle stress and high emotional points.

I’ll be back next week with another post and to tell you how great I nailed it this week! Have a great Tuesday my friends.

Self-improvement in just 12 Weeks

Today is the first day of 84 days that I will be choosing to put my healthy eating habits first. When I look at that number I feel a bit of anxiety. That is a long time to stick with healthy habits but I want to change permanently so I need to do this. I am going to do it one day at a time. I woke up this morning with a positive mentality knowing that I can crush this! It is going to have to be a daily choice. At the end of each day I will try to write down any challenges I faced and if was able overcome them or if I gave in. This will help me see what actually causes me to give in.

I logged my breakfast in My Fitness Pal this morning and thankfully I have been pretty busy so I have not been tempted to do any other eating out of boredom. I feel really good about doing this and I am not going to let myself quit. No matter what. I am not going to quit. Too often I give up on myself because it is the easiest thing to let go when times are stressful. I can’t do that to myself anymore. Time is a precious thing to waste and I have done plenty of that in my life. Every minute counts.

Time really does go by so quickly. When I am feeling like I can’t continue this journey any longer I just need to remember that 84 days will be over before I know it and at the end of it all I will feel better. I will feel better about myself, I will have more energy, I will not be as tired as I have been.

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What can you change in 84 Days? How can you improve your life?

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Monday….

Hello there Monday!

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It was very difficult to wake up this morning and I have to say that I seriously considered calling in to work today. I got spoiled with the snow days last week and now I don’t know how to function properly. I’ve been working pretty quickly trying to catch up on everything that I missed last week and I have to say my progress is coming along nicely!

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Today is the last day to order the shirt below! We still have to sell at least 10 more to get them to print! Please help me out and click here to order today! There are different colors and styles available!

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If that shirt is not your style than this shirt is available for 3 more days and we still need to sell 10 more to get it to print! You can visit the same site here to get yours. Once again there are different colors and styles available!

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I have a ton of work to do but I will be back tomorrow to kick off my 12-week series to a better Christina, you know, before I turn 30 and all that crap! Have a great day!

Where you been?

We had a couple of snow days here in KY and I took that time to do a lot of nothing. As if it was a stay-cation. I didn’t even take very many pictures of the fun snow play time that we were having. This past Friday I had my neurologist check-up that I usually go to every 6 months to make sure that all is well with medications, looking into reducing them, and just making sure that my Epilepsy is under control. My doctor requested that I lose 10 pounds in order to lower my dosage at our last meeting and I failed him. This is actually the second time that I missed this goal. The thing is, I am the one that wants to work to lower my dosage. It will help decrease my side effects (mood issues and drowsiness). The good thing is, I still have been seizure free since 10/11/2011! My doctor also said that he only needs to see me 1 time per year now! Unless of course I lose the weight and want to decrease my medication. Best news ever!

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So, I have decided that I need more than a 30 day plan, more than a 30 day challenge. Every time I do those I am successful but when it is over I eat terrible for about two weeks thus undoing all the work that I put in. Some say it takes 21 days to break a habit and others say it takes 30 days to change a behavior. I think that in order for me to actually make a change and stick to it that I will need about 12 weeks. I need to prove that I have control of my mind and my actions longer than a period of 30 days. I am still working out the specific details of this challenge but I will be having only one cheat per week in an effort to keep myself from feeling deprived. Tomorrow I will outline all of the details so that others can follow along if you would like. I still have the Facebook challenge going on right now with Kara. The main focus of that challenge is fitness with motivation and accountability.

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This post was super random and didn’t really have much consistency but you get the point. I am working on myself this year in every possible way. Maybe its the 30th bday approaching that got me all motivated and stuff.

My Favorite Friday the 13th Cop story.

I started my morning out spending time with the police. There is nothing that I enjoy more than having to explain to an officer that I swerved to avoid a car that could have hit me and how that is not illegal. It is even more fun when the officer asks if you have been drinking and tells you that you look suspicious.

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This face.. This is literally what I look like right now. So very “suspicious”. It is suspicious that I managed to get up early enough to wash and curl my hair this morning but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what he was talking about. Did I mention that my 3 year old son is still in the car because I haven’t dropped him off at daycare yet? Three year olds love this kind of drama. I bet as soon as I walked out of daycare he told all of his friends that mommy got in trouble with the cops.

I kindly informed the officer that I was on my way to drop my son to daycare and then headed to work. To which he said “Don’t worry ma’am, I’ll go as quick as I can.” That’s what they all say.

He takes my license and insurance back to his car while we wait. 90 Seconds later, four additional police officers arrive. At this point I’m wondering if I went on some sort of mad crime spree in my sleep. This officer probably fears for his safety upon the realization that he pulled over a mom and a 3 year old. How can he possibly know what we are capable of? We were completely cooperative and that is a sign of rebellion in the United States. Not to mention, I wasn’t even being mean. I wanted him to be quick so I could be on my way and I knew that if I were rude that he would make sure I was delayed as long as possible.

After about 15 minutes of sitting in his car and 4 conversations with the other police officers he walks back up to my car. I’m prepared for some sort of ticket at this point; why else would he have sat in his car so long? Was he trying to add me on Facebook or something? He hands my information back to me and in the most jerkish way possible, he tells me that he is letting me off with a warning. He gets the side eye and an ok. Seriously, at this point I would have just preferred a ticket. He then goes on to tell me that I should be more appreciative of what he has done for me. Now I have a raging beast of anger inside me because this fool just had the nerve to try and punk me in front of my 3 year old son after he pulled me over for no reason? My son already thinks its alright to tell me what to do. I can’t wait to pick him up from daycare and hear him say “mommy, you should be more appreciative.” It was really a fun time!

So, I started my Friday the 13th off with another wonderful edition of “Christina and the cops”. Stayed tuned next time as we see if I ever come across one that treats people with respect and dignity.

By the way, I still need to sell at least 20 shirts before they start printing. Click here to check out all the styles and place your order today! Thank you.

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