Welcome to the arena

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” – William Shakespeare

I know my blog name may confuse many and have you wondering just why I named my blog “Sold out Arenas”. The answer, I have no freakin’ idea other then it was a lyric in a song that made me laugh at the fact that the rapper 2Chainz made two words rhyme. “Sold out arenas you can suck my penis”. There, I said it. I have some dear friends that have come up with some similar rhymes that I’ll share with you below along with their twitter handle if you’d like to follow them. Feel free to dance as 2chainz has led you.

“sold out mobile homes, give me some dome. Sold out bingo halls, y’all can suck my balls.”-@ironmansam

“I’ve sold out stadiums so you can give me some cranium”-@ironmansam

“sold out the track, y’all can lick my crack” -@jnrale01

“Just built a gazebo, you can lick my pee-hole.”-@ironmansam

“Just ran a race I’d rather piss in your face”-@beauty_fitmode (this one is me)

As you can see we took it a bit to far trying to be like our good friend 2Chainz. It’s kind of tough when you don’t have dreadlocks. 2Chainz gave us some tough shoes to fill… here is another one of my fav’s that I can’t imagine just how long it took him to come up with. “She got a big booty so I call her big booty”. Instant classic I tell ya! I like to think she is the same person that he’s “got her saved in my phone under big booty”. That 2Chainz, so wise!

The two people from twitter are some pretty funny folks so feel free to give them a follow, they aren’t bloggers, rather people I know in real life. (she has friends? Gasp!)

I’d like to point out that this post started off with integrity and ended with pure filth. What can I say. I have no direction on this blog. I would also like to give a sincere apology to William Shakespeare for his involvement in this. You didn’t deserve it!

ENJOY this beautiful Friday friends!

 

CRASH

Welp, I got into a minor accident on my way to work this morning. Apparently when you are trying to merge during a traffic jam you just go all Grand Theft Auto and use your car to move the other cars out of the way. At least that’s how it felt when I am in my own lane minding my own business barley going 10 MPH and feel the back side of my car get hit. For reals though. What were you trying to do home girl?

Anyway, no one got hurt. Just a little frustration on my part but I kept my cool. My son did not even seem aware of what happened which is good. I would like a break from all of the bad things that have been happening lately. Seriously, I could use a peak in life right about now, these valleys are no joke!

Anyways I decided to participate in my first link up today since I love a good jam on a Friday. Whitney over at I Wore Yoga Pants hosts the fantastic link up below. Check her out, she’s a really good time.

 

The purpose: To start our weekend with some fantastic jams.

The station that inspired it: “Back That Azz Up” on Pandora Radio.

The rules: Link your jams up and have a jam sesh with all of us!

I had to use spotify because WordPress was being in inconvenient whore and kept pissing me off. Hope you enjoy the song 🙂

Shut the hell up

Alright, today calls for another post. I just read what I typed and was not happy about it. Sure we all have bad days. I am stronger than that. We are stronger than that. I am not going to just sit around on a freakin’ Friday and be down about my life and my situations. I am telling myself to shut up because I AM ALIVE DAMN IT!

Sometimes I guess I/we get too caught up in our own life and what crap we are dealing with. Maybe I am an emotional/hormonal raging beast right now. Maybe I do think I could benefit from a fight with a brick wall (minus the bloody knuckles, although I do love a good battle wound..).

All in all I hold too much in, I do not share how I am really feeling with the people that needs to hear it. I try to pacify everyone and instead I hold it all in to avoid stepping on someone else’s toes. Well children, today I am going to get over myself and my feelings because I am really the only one who cares about it. I have a job to do today.. literally, I have to work. So all of this poor me boo hoo crap is a waste of my time.

I will still share some of my life struggles in the future because I think it can be helpful to others but not in a “poor me” kind of way.

We are women and Beyoncé said that we run the world and Beyoncé is never wrong. EVER!

Not even super bowl Beyoncé. You try to dance all fierce and control you face. It is impossible.

Sorry if you don’t like Beyoncé… not

What reality TV taught me

Gender, age, status, race, and religious beliefs are all completely irrelevant and will all behave equally

When it comes to violence, words are no longer powerful enough when you enter the arena of reality TV. Whether your undergarments hide your hot pocket or carry a twig and berries; you are welcome to participate. It does not matter if you are barely over the age of 18 or if you are someone’s grandmother. You do not have to have a single ‘big face hunnit’ ($100 bill) to your name or even really be on the show to get your fight club on. You can believe in God almighty or you can believe that the stars are your best friend and you will be in the presence of a fight at some point.

As long as you can take a hit and keep on swinging than slugger; this is the life for you. No one is going to report this crime. What is this? Assault? No. Not in reality TV land. As long as later on in the confessional or sometime in an interview you tell everyone that you do not condone violence, jumping a hoe, bullying or whatever.. than all is well for you to go right ahead and jump across the couch at the reunion show because hey, it is not YOUR fault. She made you do it! So you go ahead and drag her!

Everyone lives in an episode of cribs; the rest of us are minions living in shacks wondering where we went wrong

They’ve got the nicest furniture. The freshest rides. They walk around in their Gucci shoes wearing a Gucci bathrobe and Gucci Slippers while talking to their house workers about how terrible life is roughing it in the slums. If only their home were nicer and their clothes not so cheap.

Your house is less than 5000 square feet? You are the ‘poor’ one and some have pity on you and others mock you. Either way your cashing them checks so don’t let it get you down child!

 

You can do magic tricks

When you wake up in the morning you look like a troll that someone just pulled out of a shallow creek and you wreak of garbage and doggy do-do. However in a few scenes your hair will have grown 7 inches and now you look like Cruella DeVille from 101 Dalmatians or like you just stepped off of the runway. Depending on how well you can do your own hair and make-up. Or how well your Glam squad can get you together.

This is the same person.. different days but come on!!!

 

What you wear, it doesn’t matter

You can dress like a hooker on the corner of 5th and main and no one will judge you. This is actually encouraged. Accidentally nip slip? Please! We need you to do this. No panties? Tampon string? Give the people what they want! You will never get a real job after this anyway.

If you look like you are wearing cotton balls covered in glitter on your nipples and some sparkly G-string than you have exceeded my dress code expectations. Go on with your bad self. You run the show!

Hygiene is optional. So is picking up after yourself (depending on the show of course)

Living with 7 strangers? Get nasty with it. Go eat some Mexican food while sitting on the toilet taking a poo and leave your Mexican food in the shower. That’s what I do at home. I might want to eat it while I am engaging in some popular reality show shower sex. (say that fast 10 times). Can someone say snake time?

Take a dump in your pants while you are passed out drunk in the confessional? Leave your dirty clothes in their and immediately run through the house naked and take a dive into the pool to clean yourself off. It’s the best bath you will ever take. There is no bleach in the pool but there is chlorine so that will have to do. Your roommates will enjoy the streak fest and say that you live life freely. Until they find your dirty drawls.

Sex with anyone and everyone is totally cool

Sleep with no one, sleep with everyone. Who cares? STDs and pregnancy are not real risks on reality shows. Except for Sixteen and Pregnant and Teen Mom. They stay gettin’ pregnant. Feel free to make out with people you know, people you don’t know.. whoever! Hey you only live once. Am I right? No.. where is Drake when I need him?

Reunion shows are for dressing up like you are going to prom or a fancy ball only you will be fighting in your high heels and dresses

No need to go any further into this one. You will also hear many ‘bleeps’ because there will be so much profanity since there are not many brain cells left to use words that are perfectly acceptable on television but also deliver the same blow.

I must admit that some of my favorite phrases to shout at strangers while battling a fit of road rage have come from reality TV shows. I will have to share that in a separate post. Too many to list now.

I hope you have enjoyed yourself. I know I live my life through reality TV. If you ever feel bad about yourself just find a reality show to watch; they may have more money than you but you are smarter than them and make better life decisions. You go Glen CoCo!

Do you love reality TV? no… fine then.

Friday Warriors

Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here? It is no secret that I love this movie! Gladiator is my JAM! Russell Crow rocks my face off in this roll. I cry A LOT watching this film. Very unrelated to anything in the post but hey.. that’s me.

We made it to Friday again! WOOHOO! I’d like to thank everyone who has made it possible for me to successfully make it to Friday without punching anyone or committing any crimes (other than speeding). You just do not know how difficult it can be do drive down the street and not run over the people who just think that they can cross the street at any moment and take their sweet time.

I’m not talking about people that cross at the crosswalk when they have the right of way. I’m talking about those people that cross the street anywhere when there is traffic and walk so slow that you have to break. Seriously, someone can hit you… especially the people that are texting and driving, arguing while driving, crying while driving… Some people are so careless when it comes to crossing the street that it is scary. Value your lives people! You only have one.

That went on way too long. I know you agree; that is if you are still reading now. This weekend looks to be one that is filled with no plans and hopefully a ton of fun with my son. That kid is the best time! I love weekends with nothing planned; way more relaxing. What are you doing this weekend?

This is Louisville, KY… I live here… duuurrrr

It’s derby time here in the derby city. If you are in the Louisville area please stay alive this weekend. Do not drink and drive. Please leave all weapons at home and do not kill each other. If you must fight please do it fairly (although I prefer you do not fight at all) and make sure that no one really gets hurt. This is supposed to be a fun time; remember that! Now go get wasty faced for me since I will not.

Finally I leave you with this…

Shake somethin’

LOVES YA!! Especially if you read all that crap I just typed.. it was lame.. I know.

 

 

 

Bad day smackdown

Escalator selfie with some strangers… HEYY

Welcome back to the fabulous life of the broke and un-famous. This is your captain speaking and I hope that you have had just the perfect little week so far. If you are like me, (which I am guessing you are not, maybe we have similarities but I am sure you are as unique and fantastic as Mighty Mouse!) you have probably had a bad day in the last week, month, year, decade.. something.

If that is you, then I am going to share how to get through a bad day while using football GIFs from the greatest football teams of all time! The University of Louisville Cardinals. I apologize in advance if you are a Florida Gators fan… can we still be friends?

This is how a bad day feels… It catches you off guard and smacks you so hard that all of your defense mechanisms and plans of action are useless. A perfect example… you are a quarterback that was sacked so hard that your helmet popped off and you get up so mad that you want to rip someone’s face off like that guy in Florida did that one time.. except he ate that mans face.. eww anyway.

You need to pick yourself up, dust off all of that negativity, cry if you need to, scream if you have to.. and then, you do your own personal dance to pump yourself up. You heard me correctly. Amp yourself up with whatever little moves motivate you to keep going. Why? Because you have to and who can be angry when they are dancing? Not this guy (his name is Teddy Bridgewater BTW.. he is up for the NFL draft in case you care).

I like to jump right out of bed and do this little dance at my alarm clock after I have hit snooze 20 times. Like “yea, I owned you hittin snooze all those times, come at me bro!”

Once you are done being your personal cheerleader you will need to remind that bad day who runs this show. YOU are the BOSS! (baws). You hit that bad day when it is not looking and show no remorse. You are stronger than that day and you will make sure that bad day remembers!

Finally, some bad days just do not seem to listen when you are going all beast mode on your own and fighting like two women over Flavor Flav. What do you do now? Well you bring in all of your peeps to help you out. That’s right, call up the crew; friends, family, strangers… whoever has your back.

Sometimes it will take more than just you to get through a bad day. More often than not you will need a team to help support you along the way. We are human and we can NOT get through everything by ourselves. I have tried it before. It does not work and it feels pretty dang lonely. If you don’t have a team then go ahead and email me. I will be your team! (just know that I will probably try to make you laugh because that is how I get down with the git down)

If you are not a football fan than these GIFs were probably not that entertaining for you and I do apologize. Do not worry your little baby heart because I love to make GIFs and will likely make another one about getting through a bad day using some other example.

Happy Thursday. You still have a few days to turn the week around if it sucked for you. You can do it! I did! Unless you are having “shark week” than you should just sit back and let that ride out because lets face it, crazy emotions need more than I have suggested. You need chocolate!

Until later peeps!!

 

Dance Floor Spillage

I enjoy a good awkward photo alone.

 

My name is Christina and I like to make up words.. Is spillage a word? Anyway, I was supposed to recap this on Friday but my life has had me temporarily disposed. Excuses, excuses… I know.

Let’s start this off with a fantastic photo of Christina before drunk Christina took over (I’m Christina btw). This girl comes around maybe twice a year. I do not drink…. often. I used to get trashed on a regular basis and would walk around in my wasted pants and heels like I was a boss (pronounced baws). Once I found out I was pregnant with my son I put down the vodka, cranberry juice and Redbull and just never picked it back up. I drink wine from time to time but am terrified of what would happen if I drank actually liquor again. Now that you have the briefest background in history; let’s get to the reception.

It was approximately 8:00PM when we arrived at the reception. We were announced as we walked in and sat out the table with the bridal party. We were all starving and pretty parched as we had only been given snacks while at the church prior to the wedding. I like to eat food that makes me feel full and while I do love cheese… a hand full of cheese cubes and crackers are not going to cut it for this girl. I did not complain because my dress was safety pinned to me and I did not want to make this any worse. After we were all in we, obviously were allowed to get our food first. I loaded my plate with everything, chicken wings, pot stickers and meatballs (I don’t like meatballs). Then I went to the bar and got a bottle of water, a coke, and a glass of wine. Upon returning to my seat I ate all of the food (minus the meatballs) and drank all of my beverages in record time and returned for more beverage. They were already out of the first wine that I had so I moved on to another one all too quickly realizing that this open bar was dwindling quickly and I needed to drink fast if I wanted my share.

In the above photo it is clear that I was starting to feel myself. I was now “bout that life”. I even took a sip for the camera. My friend Kim (bottom) and I started to have the time of our lives after this picture. This was likely my third glass of wine in approximately 30 minutes. I should have stopped after this glass of wine but it did not end there. You see, the bridesmaids all had to do a dance soon in front of the 200 or so guests. I have no problem bussin a move out on the dance floor with everyone else, however when all eyes are on me (even when in a group) I get extremely nervous. After this photo booth session we headed back to the bar and doubled up on our glasses to try to be a step ahead of the wine-out.

We laughed, we ate more food, we watched the bride and groom smash their solo dance mix/mash up of all genera’s and that was of course ahhhmazing! Now all twelve of the bridesmaids stumbled to the dance floor and begin to perform our masterpiece to the amazing song “Bootycall” by Blackstreet. I nailed that bad boy! Drink in hand and slightly spilling all along the way. Next it was time to hammer it out to all types of songs with the rest of the attendees and kids, I had all the confidence in the world and went ahead and grabbed another drink to keep the party going. At this point I was spilling everywhere (including on my dress) but who cares! It was already torn and I was committing a homicide on that dance floor. I even joined in to do the wobble.. if you do not know that dance look it up on YouTube. Its a fun time.

 I like to think of this as my new signature move.

 

Finally Kim and I decided that we may need to dial it back a bit on the drinking since we had only been there about and hour and we were already really drunk. We decided to grab a water and take over the photo booth. I warn you.. these images are HILARIOUS!! I was not sure if I should put  them up but then I thought, people will laugh and my decision was made.

Those pictures were also uploaded onto Facebook by the photo booth company so our “secret” takeover was no longer secret. I went ahead and untagged myself but I am sure everyone already saw them and now I am putting them on a blog. GO ME!!

I hope you enjoyed drunk Christina. She very rarely makes appearances but when she does it is sure to leave a memory.. and some laughs.

The next day I felt terrible and thus reminded myself why I only drink wine and why I do not do it often.

What do you think about drunk Christina? be kind… I’m only human.