Life can be so unpredictable. You never know what will happen on a day to day basis and how you will react with each instance. In life we experience many positive and negative situations. The negative situations are the ones that challenge and test us. They strike us in our soul and have the capability to bring you to your knees. How we handle ourselves and move forward is the deciding factor on whether or not we let this situation break us.
Sometimes I don’t really believe that we have a ‘choice’ in our initial reaction. We have a choice in how we choose to let it affect our lives and how we try to move forward and learn from our experience. I think that most of our negative experiences can contain positive lessons in them and we can grow as people if we choose to. The pain, fear, doubt, and the worry that are attached to those experiences are there for a reason. In my opinion, those are the things that remind you of why you did something different after you had the experience.
My personal experience with domestic violence was a horribly negative experience. To this day there are still residual effects because it was so traumatic especially considering the fact that it started when I was pregnant. Never in my life did I think that I would get to such a low point in my life. I prayed so much to be out of the situation and thankfully, God answered my prayers. The emotional and mental scars that remain from that experience are reminders of what I survived. I still have horrible dreams about my experience even to this day. Most of them are not reliving the situation. The dreams tend to be about him showing up somewhere that I am, becoming very threating, and trying to take my son. Usually I am surrounded by people but none of them can see what is happening and I can’t get ahold of anyone to get help.
I have made significant progress since this relationship ended with the help of God, therapy and communicating my experience with loved ones. Sharing my story in these posts, Nightmares pt. 1,, Nightmares pt. 2,, and Nightmares pt. 3, on my blog has also been helpful. I want more than anything to be able to help someone who may be in the situation that I was in or just getting out of it and is fearful of the future and of the person. Some people do not have anyone they can talk to about it. If my story helps anyone in any capacity than I am grateful. Someone told me that we have negative experiences so that we can help someone else overcome them in the future. I believe that to be true and I know that I can be that listening ear if it is ever needed.
In my personal experience, I had a difficult time sharing my story for awhile because I didn’t want people to think I was weak. Many people were surprised that it happened because I did a great job keeping it to myself and I always carry myself as a very strong woman. I don’t think I am weak for what I went through anymore. What happened to myself and my son was not because of anything I did. I didn’t think that way before. It is unfortunate that my son’s father has not learned from our experience and continues his same pattern of behavior in other relationships. I still pray that he will get better so that he can be a parent to his son. I do not expect it and I am prepared to explain everything to my son when the time is right. I am thankful that I have an amazing man in my life that loves my son and would not do anything to harm him or me.
My final and most important lesson is that you must forgive yourself and the person involved. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you even have to verbalize it to them. I especially wouldn’t recommend that in cases of domestic violence. In your heart you need to forgive you first and then forgive the other person. This, in my opinion, will release any hold the situation has on you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened is right or just; I feel that it is a release of negative energy. I know that I will always remember what happened but I will not let it define me or my life.
I know that I chose to write about a pretty heavy topic on a Monday but I figured it would be a good topic to expand upon. I know that there are some stigmas surrounding domestic violence and I want to help break down those barriers. I look forward to continuing to share my story one post at a time. If you have any questions about my experience I am happy to share that information. Now lets go forward and have a Happy Monday!