At this moment, I have decided that I am going to chase after what I want. I’m going to put myself first. Try to calm my mind from constantly racing and worrying over everything. Even typing this brings tears to my eyes because it scares me. I am intimidated by my own potential and if I weren’t wearing mascara and eyeliner right now I probably wouldn’t even try so hard to fight it off.
I woke up rather early this morning, my mind overflowing with thoughts. Sometimes I think it has been easier for me to focus my attention elsewhere. Yesterday I read a post that Aisha wrote a post about “A lie list”. After reading it I felt the need to think through my own lies. The ones that I carry around with me and bring me down. Many of the lies started from something someone else did and time and life bred them into something else; something larger. Self-hate.
Forgiveness can be the best tool when trying to get past an event or a negative word that planted a seed within you that resulted in a lie that we believe. For me, I like to portray my strength to others, especially women. I like to seem like I am not affected by many of the negative things in life. The truth is, I am very sensitive and emotional. While that does not mean that I am not strong, it makes it hard for me to sometimes see clearly.
I do think that it is true that we teach people how to treat us. I think I have allowed many to take advantage of me and allowed the lies into my life. I block people out and put up walls or become dismissive because it is easier for me. I don’t want to do that.
One major lie that I believe about myself is that I am not kind. I am surprised when people tell me that they think I am nice, or sweet. I try to be, but I don’t really think that I am. I want to feel what others see in me. I think it will help me in other aspects as well.
Here are some goals that I have set to try to smash some of the lies I tell myself and to try to spread love and kindness.
*Complement a stranger everyday
*Offer assistance to someone that I ordinarily would just pass by
*Make donations in time, material items, or money to local charities
It is a short list but a nice start. What do you lies do you believe about yourself? In addition, Aisha and Jena have a weekly link-up on Thursday’s and they are starting a conversation on blogs and on Twitter using #YourAttitudeMatters. I am working on changing my attitude toward myself and others. Join us now!