As my last two posts have shown, I have been going through some things in my life. Thank you for your being very supportive and offering kind words to me. As the days go on I do a pretty good job staying positive and happy. Sometimes I am happy, sometimes I am choosing to show happiness rather than what is really going on inside. I don’t like to be down and I definitely don’t like to bring others down. Especially since the things I am going through will be worked through in time and I just need to relax…. or take up drinking.. or more exercise.
The only other thing that I know how to do well is laugh. So let’s laugh together, or nah.
While running on the treadmill yesterday at the gym I was captivated by a set of boobs and they weren’t even mine. Thankfully she was sculpting her guns and admiring herself, all the while completely unaware of my gawking. She was a very attractive woman and watching her like a psycho got me thinking about myself. Being the self-absorbed person that I am, I went through an entire story line in my head about workouts I would do if I had my 17-25 year old boobs again. Join me on this journey.
First things first, get my tits together. I’ve got mom boobs now so I would need to wear about 14 bras to get those girls ready for an exercise routine in which they are the MVP. I would also use some double sided tape to keep a nipple from jumping out and putting on a show of their own. My cleavage is taking the stage today baby.
Next, I would do the best back stretch/gravity technique to get those girls nice and up there. Make sure that they reach the highest possible point.
Arms are important, never neglect something so close to your precious milk jugs. Grab a couple of two pounders and bust out some curls. Helps keep the blood flowing.
Shoulder press time! Do you know how hard it is to shoulder press and wink at the same time? Real hard.
Once your arms are as limp as a wet noodle, you can go and find yourself a nice, firm balance ball. Give it a little hump so you can be sure this one is a good one because today is Tuesday and you are going to bust out some major exercises.
One more test before you get ready to use the ball. If you can do this move then you will have the arms and abs of steel! Just 12 sets of 72 is all you need to do. Easy to remember because it even rhymes.
This is where the real work happens. The exercise that gives you the magical sculpted body of Jessica Biel. I’m sure Beyoncé is doing this right now. After you have shown that ball who is boss, your workout is complete. You have successfully burned about 12,000 calories and you can be satisfied with life.
Have you worked out today?