Clouds

 

I look up to see the clouds,

but I can’t see anything,

It’s so bright, yet I’m in a fog,

vision so blurred.

I’m stumbling over everything,

My past,

My heart,

My mind; so congested.

You are a liar.

You always have been.

Will you always be?

Why do I  believe you?

Why do I make excuses for you?

Why?

Standing still,

trying to focus,

gather myself.

I look up once more.

It’s a mirror.

It’s me.

I recognize my reflection,

I hear my own voice.

have I been the one?

Looking at my hands,

battered from the struggle.

Reflection so painful.

I can’t stand it.

My mind is the liar,

the negative one.

Feeding the thoughts,

breeding the anger.

Self-hatred so strong,

developed over years,

mental anguish,

erroneous decisions,

constant misjudgments,

I don’t trust you.

You’ve deceived me too many times

How to learn?

How do I believe?

How do I once again?

start to trust me?

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6 thoughts on “Clouds

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