Break the law, we ain’t playin.

I am so glad that it is Wednesday. I said it yesterday and I’ll say it again, every Monday needs to be a paid holiday. The work week is just more pleasant that way. I’ve got some confessions to make so let’s get to it. I break laws. Traffic laws to be specific. THUG LIFE!

pulledYes, I took a semi-selfie with the cop lights in my rear view.

Last night I got pulled over by the police. I was terrified. Not to mention he sat behind me for almost 10 minutes (more like 3) before he even got out and came to the car. It was dark, my son was with me. I pulled into a bad neighborhood and people were arguing outside. Just not great. A million scenarios were going through my head. My friend Kara made a great point when I was telling her the story. She said, “You never know when you have warrants.”

When he finally approached my car he seemed cautious as well and may have even been relieved that it was just someone as old as his grandma with a child in the back seat. He looked around the car but nothing too crazy.

He was my kind of police officer (if that is even possible). He wasted no time getting down to what happened. “Why did you blow through that red light so fast?” I didn’t have time to think about anything other than being so poor that I can’t afford to pay for a ticket. I blurted out the first thing that popped in my head. “My son is potty training and he has to pee.” All while smiling and semi laughing because I can’t just lie to people. Since he and I don’t know each other he seemed to believe me. I was trying to keep my composure because I just lied and I didn’t want to get caught in said lie after obviously breaking the law. He proceeded to tell me the dangers of running red lights all in a pretty respectful manner, I appreciated that.

At the end of it, he spent about 30 seconds with me and then let me leave with a verbal warning. I am a habitual traffic law violator. I have had many speeding tickets and paid each one of them. This is the first time I have actual felt like I was treated with some respect when encountering a police officer. Every other time I was treated like he just found out that I was sleeping with his wife or something. I would call this a double win. A win for no tickets and a nice cop.

I understand that police have to be cautious and all that, I just don’t understand the unnecessary attitude when I comply. I even complied both times that I was pulled over and given a breathalyzer when I was more sober than the day I was born. The first time was on Thanksgiving a few years ago and this guy was a super douche. I was actually driving the speed limit. I can’t even tell you why. I just decided to drive like a law abiding citizen that day. He must have ran my tags and saw my list of tickets and thought “This girl must be drunk in order for her to follow the posted speed limit.”

He pulls me over, walks up the car all angry looking and asks the dumbest question police officers ask. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” In this case, I had no freaking clue. If I did, I surely can’t just admit it right away that I am guilty. I looked him in his face and said no. He proceeded to request that I step out of the car. It’s November and like 20 degrees outside. I asked him if I can get my coat (don’t want to just grab something and get accused of having an AK in the car). He tells me that I can’t because he doesn’t know what I may have in there. For serious?

I get out of the car and walk in between my car and his fancy police cruiser all cold and about to lose my nipples. We are in the middle of nowhere, at night, in the cold. I don’t know if I pass the field sobriety tests and I don’t care. He pulls out his breathalyzer and asks me to blow. I almost faint trying to and of course I pass. Duh. Sober. He still wasn’t satisfied and decides to ask to search my car. Now I’m just mad. My tits are frozen and you are being the biggest turd of life. I tell him to go right ahead and he just shines his flashlight in the car and tells me I can go. We spent about 30 minutes together. In retrospect I can’t blame him for wanting to get to know me, I’m kind of a big deal. It’s like pulling Beyoncé over or something.

The next officer that pulled me over when I was following the traffic laws just walked right up to my car with a breathalyzer, stuck it in the window and said “blow”. Honestly, I am not even sure this was legal but since I was in Indiana I was in no place to try and get beat down by the cops. This time I had actually drank ONE glass of wine about an hour before driving. I know that one glass will not get  you intoxicated or make you fail a breathalyzer but it will make you question everything you have ever learned while potentially inducing a heart attack. After I passed that one he pretty much just left all disappointed. I’ll never understand that one. He was a jerk too. Also, how come every time I get pulled over another 20 cops show up?

Out of the 10ish times that I have been pulled over, last night was the first time that I didn’t leave feeling like DMX. I was treated like a person. Ticket or no ticket, that guy was cool. I may even start following the traffic laws. I know I won’t be running any more red lights today. I was pushing my luck with that anyway. Literally ran two red lights with my boyfriend in the car a short time before this happened and said “I’m not going to do that anymore.” Yet I did. I could have caused an accident. You have my word blog people. I will not run lights that are red. I will attempt to think that yellow lights mean slow down instead of speed up. This will be challenging. With your help. I think I can do it. Who’s with me?

Vodka and Soda
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9 thoughts on “Break the law, we ain’t playin.

  1. I have a love/hate relationship with cops. I mostly love them because they keep us all safe, but then again it’s not fun when you are the one in trouble! I was pulled over when I was 16. I was going about 15 mph over the speed limit on the freeway. He thought I stole the car. He then threw me in the back of the cop car and told me I was going to go to juvy… but before he took me there, he decided to call my mom. He was such a damn jerk. I got off with nothing.

  2. asshole cops are the worst. like, really? you’ve already ruined my day and now you’re going to be a dick about it too? however, there ARE nice cops out there as well; i’ve come across a few myself. they at least make the situation not so crappy.

    • Oh yea. I know they probably deal with some real nut jobs but that is no reason to be a jerk all day. I mean, they should be relieved when they realize I am going to do whatever they say anyway. Not trying to get hit with the pepper spray.

  3. thank goodness no ticket! i have gotten one speeding ticket in america, and once i got pulled over for running a stop sign (well, i dont think i ran it) but the cop was like ‘eff that’ when he saw my international license – too much work for him. the 3rd time, i got pulled over because i was driving my husband’s truck and had no idea how to turn the high beams off, oops, and he called me and told me, so the cop saw me with my phone, pulled me over and absolutely ripped me a new asshole for the high beams and the phone. when he was done, i asked for his name, he was so shocked, told me and apologised for his behaviour and i was like NOPE. I told my husband’s best friend, who is a cop, who in return ripped that guy a new asshole. why they gotta be jerks? power tripping assholes.

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