Confianza

Confidence: a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something; a feeling or belief that someone or something is good or has the ability to succeed at something; the feeling of being certain that something will happen or that something is true. (definition complements of Webster’s dictionary)

Do you have confidence in yourself? in others? What influences your confidence? There are many influencers that can give and/or take confidence. I consider myself a pretty confident person. I know that if I want to do something or get something done that it will happen. The effort needed is dependent upon the task of course and at times the means necessary to complete it. I’m actually more interested in how people that we do not even know can affect how we feel. Also, the aspects of our lives that we shield from the world.

Think about the first topic. Someone or a group that you have never met in your entire life can affect how YOU feel. Scrolling through Instagram on a sleepless night and seeing someone posting photos of perfect hair, makeup, body, friends, family, fitness, or their career. You begin to feel inadequate. Use these as inspiration or motivation but never as a standard to which you are trying to reach. That means their is a place where you can be complacent.

One thing. In ALL social media. Everyone has something that they are not happy about. You are like Rapunzel, seeing the world through a small window without any knowledge of the real world. There are many situational differences in all people. There are the chronic victims on Facebook that post about all things terrible in their lives. There are the extreme perfectionists that are never flawed. Then, there are people like me. I don’t really post enough for anyone to gauge how my life is or is not going. I can tell you this, if I post something negative then I’m either drunk and on my period (highly unlikely considering I have only drank wine twice this year.) or someone got access to my account.

I’ve told you more through my blog than I will ever put on social media. Does that make sense? Not really…. I started this blog because I needed a place to get my words out and to share. I am a writer, not professionally.. yet. Additionally, I have had many experiences as a woman that have been both difficult and uplifting. Truth is, I have a hard time connecting with people that have similar experiences as me. Especially since I don’t like being categorized with other people. I look at what they have experienced and somehow separate myself. I think it is just denial. I like people to perceive me as a strong, confident, and able to overcome all obstacles. Key word. Perceive. As though I am hiding the other aspects of life that make me, me.

This blog is really helping me become more comfortable with having Epilepsy and telling people about it. Sometimes people are afraid to be around me when they find out that I have Epilepsy and that is ok. Seeing someone have a seizure can be frightening. I have a friend with Epilepsy and I saw her have a seizure. It is hard to see someone you care about go through any medical hardship. At one point I was in the Epilepsy monitoring unit at the hospital and they caught a seizure on video and I asked to see it. Terrifying! I can only imagine how others felt seeing this happen. You can read other posts about my life with Epilepsy here, here, and here .

I have experienced domestic violence. I HATE telling people about this. I don’t like when people look at me with sad eyes and feel sorry for me. For some reason it makes me feel weak. I understand that none of it was my fault. I became so passive at that time and that is not something I have ever been. Talk about losing confidence. The important thing is that I got out, and I got my confidence back. Sharing these stories is empowering. I want to help other people. I need to relate to people who have shared these experiences because no one can understand if they haven’t lived it. I have only posted once on this subject, you can read that here .

I like to be funny on this blog and make people laugh more than anything. Humor is always my go to when I’m sad or someone else is feeling low.  Building true confidence in yourself and your abilities is necessary to being happy. Don’t get me wrong, no one will be happy all the time. The goal is to be able to look at yourself and see the good, instead of critiquing and comparing yourself to others. After all, everyone just wants to be loved and accepted. You should first, love and accept yourself. Not just for the highlights; but for moments when you felt tied down and unable to stand tall.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” -Dr. Seuss. Direct, and straight to the point. Confidence takes time to build and requires  accepting yourself. You are not the mistakes you have made, you are not the events you have experienced. Those are a part of your story but they do not have to be the definition of your life. You control that and that’s what is beautiful.

Everyone needs someone, if you feel like you have no one, then guess what… you have me. If you don’t feel comfortable commenting you can always email me. I don’t have all the answers but I have been told “You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha covered in hair.” Alright, that was a quote from Anchorman but I have had it said to me a time or two so you know its real.

Enjoy pre-Friday and get ready for the weekend. Make someone else smile; guaranteed to make you smile! Stay tuned next week when I return to scholarly topics such as periods and defecating. I know you are excited.

Let Your Light Shine
Treasure Tromp
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7 thoughts on “Confianza

  1. I used to have really high confidence, and then it vanished and now I’m stuck at rock bottom. This isn’t the first time I’ve been here. I also experienced abuse (mostly verbal) in a previous relationship and I was also relentlessly bullied, so my confidence just disappeared. No matter how strong someone is, eventually — if they go through hell long enough — their strength will start to wither away. I thought it would be the hardest time of my life, but now I think what I’m going through now is even harder.

    I lost my confidence over the last two years. I went from being really happy and outgoing and confident — never questioning myself or my worth — to feeling not good enough and worthless. It all started when I got back into the dating scene after breaking up with my college sweetheart. I never expected that people could be so cruel, and I was admittedly naive. I was played, lied to, used… everything. For two years. I believed in people whole-heartedly, but to them I was just a toy. I always was the type of person to trust people from the minute I met them. I trusted them because I wanted to believe that people are good people. I start a relationship with trust because that’s the only positive way to start it. …. But during all the failed dates and all the times I trusted people just to be let down, I stopped trusting people.

    Somewhere on that journey, I lost all the confidence I had and I started to believe that all I was good for was to be used or played. That no one would want to be with me.

    And the insecurities that came along with those thoughts were horrible. Even if a nice guy showed interest, I started pushing him away. I would start arguments and do whatever I could to get him away from me — because I knew, eventually, he would leave me anyway because I wouldn’t be good enough for him.

    Then I met Kevin. And I tried so hard to push Kevin away. I was the meanest I’ve ever been. And it pains me so much to realize how mean and stupid and selfish I was to him for so many months. But somehow, in some miracle, Kevin fell in love with me and stayed. We now live together, but I still struggle with the insecurities. And to top it off, I feel like I’m not good enough for Kevin and that he deserves better because of how mean I was when we first met and started to date.

    So now I have the “I’m not good enough” mentality in my head because of things I did in the past… and it hurts to know that that’s how Kevin sees me. That that’s the person I was when Kevin fell in love with me.

    Kevin always tells me that I’m more than good enough. That I’m his world. That he wants to marry me.

    But for some reason that I don’t even know, I just don’t feel good enough. I feel like I’ll never be good enough. It’s a horrible cycle in my head that I am trying to break away from.

    Sorry for the long, depressing post!

    • And it’s weird — because I’m confident in so many other areas of my life. I know what I deserve and I refuse to be a doormat. I stand up for myself and for others and for my beliefs. I am not afraid of being the odd one out. It’s like I’m 50/50… I’m confident in myself in everything outside of my relationship with Kevin. And it’s not because Kevin does anything wrong… it’s just that maybe I don’t have faith in love anymore because of everything I have gone through. Maybe there’s still part of me that is trying to push him away so that I won’t have to worry about this anymore.

      But I know the issues are inside me, somewhere. And that if I push Kevin away and end this, I will always regret it because I love him more than life itself. I just need to find the root to these insecurities and face it head-on, so I can finally be confident and give Kevin the relationship he deserves.

      • Thank you for having the confidence to share such a personal story with me. One very important note. You should never feel like your past dictates your future. For most of us, when we have issues with relationships it goes much further back than to when we first started dating. For me it was the absence of my father and never quite getting an answer from him that felt sufficient to me.

        Also, it sounds like you put all of your personal self worth in the hands of your relationships. Is that correct? In order to truly love Kevin you have to start loving you. Kevin will not be able to fill that space in your mind that makes you believe you are not enough. People will always be critical and mean. Something I learned that stood out to me is this… what other people think of me or say behind my back is none of my business. The only person I can control is myself. I choose to be caring. In that same idea however you must have the ability to discern between what is and is not good for you. Set boundaries for yourself with everyone. Set boundaries with your own mind and heart. Above all, protect your heart and love you as hard as you can. You deserve it. You are beautiful, intellectual, and have a strong heart for others. If you need more encouragement or uplifting and support just email me anytime. cmarq01@gmail.com You got this girl!

  2. I love this post girl. I love how you said our past doesnt define us. We were both domestic violence victims but we’re not now..its part of the story not the whole story. Maybe I was weak then but I am strong now. As are you. I love how we can connect and share with one another through blogging…it lets us know we’re not alone. LOVE YOU GIRL!

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