Fear of flushing

Is there some sort of secret society that all of the women were invited to in which everyone decided that we no longer need to flush the toilet? I know I may not always be the coolest person to hang out with but why wouldn’t anyone include me in on this new trend everyone is partaking in? I feel sad.

poo

Why do I have to walk full pace into a public restroom stall only to be backed out because I was not prepared to see poop residue floating? In some cases, I am even fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of your entire load. Some of the things I have seen do not look like they even have the ability to pass through the human body without requiring some sort of emergency repair surgery immediately following its release.

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The worst thing I have encountered since you ladies decided that flushing was a thing of the past is the leftover plug covered in red Kool-Aid staring at me as if we were trying to make a love connection.

Can I just say, that had I been invited to this ‘secret’ meeting I would have been the first to stand up and say “No, I’m not about that life. Flushing is my friend.” Maybe that’s why no one invited me. I was just going to rain on your parade and make you feel uncomfortable for deciding that we all need to see what comes out of each others orifices.

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It’s almost as if one person was scared of flushing the toilet as a child and instead of trying to work on said fear this person involves everyone else in an attempt to normalize this behavior. I say that it is time for us to come together and start flushing toilets again. Sometimes your poop child may require an additional flush or two. No big deal. As long as you are doing your part I can’t be mad. Go ahead and flush 15 times if you have to. I won’t judge.

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Worried that this may be a sign that you pooped? If I come into the bathroom and you are the only person in there while poop still floats in the toilet then guess what, I already blame you anyway. Looking at me with those guilty poop eyes. I am the queen of phantom pooping. It can be done. Remember, there is no shame in clearing out your intestines. There is however, a problem with letting it be a show piece for the rest of us. This is not a modern art contest my friends.

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I am so happy that we talked about this. We have turned a new leaf and I am confident that when I go pee every 27-32 minutes today that I will not make eye contact with what was your meal from yesterday or even this morning. Remember, if you need to, flush as you go. Happy Tuesday!

 

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8 thoughts on “Fear of flushing

  1. HAHA you are so funny- but that is definitely gross. This is really embarassing- but I always go into the same stall at work because I just feel some sort of ownership over it I guess (LOL) well on multiple locations I walk into the stall and there is like dark, hard, horse sized poop in the toilet! I get so grossed out and have to go to another stall. I dont understand why people are okay leaving their smellies in the toilet. GROSS!

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