Period

WARNING: Men, you may not care to read this post. It is in fact about a woman’s menstrual cycle. It is a good laugh though… You have been warned.

periods-attract-bears_2887885_GIFSoup.comPeriods attract bears, the bears can smell the menstruation!

Imagine being in a perfectly good mood, your day is going as planned, the sky is blue with a bright sun shining down on you and then, all of a sudden you are at the point of madness all because someone is not feeling well so your lunch plans that were set on Friday for Monday will have to be rescheduled and you feel like you just stepped on a land mine and will explode from the inside at the audacity of this person to have stomach issues on the day you planned to eat tacos from the best place in town. How dare she! (longest run on sentence ever award winner right here.. thank you very much)

You went from skipping through a meadow with butterflies and doves to being on the corner of Broadway ready to slap-a-hoe for stompin on your Air-force one’s. (Nelly rap song reference. Possibly misinterpreted on my part.) Your entire day is now ruined over something so small that does not even really matter in the general scheme of life in any way at all. You should only be so fortunate to be able to eat what you want and afford to eat out. You should be thankful but no, you are two seconds away from bustin out of your clothes and draggin someone down the street.

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This pettiness continues throughout your day. You see a post on Facebook of something that you created yet the person that posted it does not even acknowledge that you created it or give you any photo cred. You begin to scrutinize every person that likes it and comments on it and you do not stop stalking that post. Even this morning you checked it. You strongly consider putting your fist through the monitor so that you can not  check this post any longer. That, however would solve nothing unless you decided to break your phone as well. Stupid technology being readily available all the time.

Further into the evening you are spending time with a friend and you begin to toss around demands as if you are the queen of England in the 1800’s. You do not understand why it seems like you are ‘asking’ for so much. You storm off to cook dinner for the two of you and pout alone in the stairwell getting angry because your friend does not come check on you. After all, you are RIGHT and they just do not understand you.

Finally you are getting ready to leave and you are still making sure that your friend is aware that you are unhappy with how the conversation went so you dart out the door first thinking you have your keys only you do not and you friend locked the door. Now you are locked out of your house and car in the backyard crying like a 4 year old who just found out that your drunk uncle jack is really Santa Claus.

Later that night you will sit in the floor and cry about your life because you feel like you have failed at even being a real person today. You are good at nothing, no one likes you and you do not like anyone else either.

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A few days later you will start your period and then everything will make sense. You had the pre-period bitch-fest that comes about a week ahead of time to make everyone in the world think you are out of your mind insane including yourself. You vow to yourself that recognizing these symptoms in the future and tracking your period are good ideas so that when it happens next time you will know and not beat yourself up about it. Next month comes, same thing happens because who really wants to track their period? After all, once you feel normal again you can’t imagine that you would ever act that way again… until next time when you decide to throw a perfectly good pizza at the floor because the cheese did not melt the way you thought it should.

Periods are stupid and they bring a ton of unnecessary baggage to our lives and we wish that the opposite sex could understand it. Ladies, could we really handle men if they had the emotional mood swings that we do? Just think of how bad they are when they are sick. We are the true soldiers here. Surviving every month even though we know that in a short 28 days we will be crying because Anchorman 2 is no longer in theaters even though it came out in December 2013.

Do you have a funny period story?

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5 thoughts on “Period

  1. this is my favorite post ever. the exact truth has never been so hilarious. i did not stop laughing the entire time. please remind me to go back and read it every time i say i am having a bad day. it should be published. thank you for that.

    • Thank you. I was just recapping yesterday and it sounds absolutely ridiculous when you read it but when you are experiencing it there is nothing funny about it!

  2. LMFAO! YES YES AND YES!
    My boyfriend is awesome though he knows when its the week before my period because I get all kinds of emo on him.
    I was talking to him today and he said shut up week before period hormones LMAO he just knows, but loves me anyway bc Ill be all sunshine and rainbows in a week or so.

    • You are definitely winning with your boyfriend!! It is just so complicated to explain.. It’s a trip to crazy town that men will never truly experience. lol

  3. Pingback: Reasons I cried yesterday | Sold Out Arenas

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