Smelly Pirate Hooker

alienCaptain weirdo here to great you

The title has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just really love to say that!! Obviously I created a GIF to go along with its awesomeness.

smelly-pirate-hooker_5026976_GIFSoup.com

I love all things Anchorman and most things Will Ferrell. I also love all things Christina Applegate, I mean hello, we share the same first name. I am also sad every time she has a TV series and it gets cancelled. Why aren’t you people watching her shows? They are freakin hilarious. Samantha Who was amazing, Up all night was the balls! If Christina Applegate is in another TV show than you need to watch it now! or I might cry. I do not want to cry.

joshua shirt headThis guy is feeling better. Can I get a hand clap?

Let’s all join together and pray that he is well for the rest of the year. After the last 2.5 weeks I think that we deserve that much! It is stressful when you have a sick child. Parents understand, non-parents do not. It is alright. I was a non-parent once too. I was just out of my mind insane at that point in life.

In other unrelated news, I started another dietbet today and will hopefully complete it successfully and be down to my weight that I was when I started college. That means no more of these.

burritoThis is why I gained so much weight. I like to drink cheese!

I took my weigh in photo straight out of bed this morning and it was a true gem. I figured I should share it with you because I wake up beautiful. Beyoncé inspired me with her new song flawless. Hold the laughter until you see my face. This is a good one.

weigh inI woke up like dis!

Now who wants to wake up next to that hot piece of booty? Let’s form a line and get your profiles together so that I can make the best decision. I think I went with a signature pose from America’s Next Top Model. The outfit selection was easy and I bought it straight from the runway. It is flattering in all the right areas and completely comfortable. You can get your comfortable cami from Express and your perfect capri sweat pants from Old Navy. Tell them I sent you. They will not know who I am.

Hope you enjoyed the laugh. Have a great Wednesday and go hump something…. not someone. Check me on IG at cmarq01. You will not regret it.

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