Teardrops

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Let’s just start off by saying that the picture is just to help you out if you feel down because those encouraging words are not improving my day right now.

Today is just not a good day in any sense of the word. My son has had a terrible rash for a week now that no doctor can seem to diagnose and it just keeps getting worse while he is scratching his skin off like a meth head. We were up in the middle of the night last night for almost two hours trying to soothe the itch. Not to mention he had one pacifier left and I had decided that after that one fell apart that there would be no more and of course it fell apart last night. I feel like I have not one ounce of strength to hold back any crazy or volatile thoughts today. I can barely keep myself from crying. So if someone decides that today is the day to step to me they should proceed with caution. Those that know me know that when it is a day like this I can slice someone up with my words and I really do not want to do that. I always feel terrible about it later and that just makes for another bad day.

I have only been at my current employer since November and this rash has caused me to miss three days of work in the last week and a half so I am now paranoid that I may lose said job. This would be terrible altogether since I am the only provider and the insurer of myself and my son and if I haven’t mentioned it before I also suffer from Epilepsy. Way to go Christina. Just put everything in one bowl and be the only person trying to keep it from overflowing, good luck with that self!

Anyway, in order to avoid causing further strain at my job I had to take my poor itchy son to daycare today (the doctor said he was not contagious and can return) where he can hopefully not be miserable all day long. I feel like the worst parent in the world right now and on top of that it makes me resent that fact that I am doing this all alone even more. I love my son more than anything and it is so stressful to have to do this by yourself all while not letting your child see how difficult it really is. I just want to crawl in a corner and cry all day today but my pride will not let me. Also, my bank account and my employer will not be happy either; then add in my debtors and that will just make for an angry mob that is shouting “off with her head” like Gaston does in Beauty and the Beast.

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Let’s add in the fact that my boyfriend (yes I have a boyfriend but will consider myself “single” just like the government does until the day I get married and if I never get married than that is perfectly fine) is all of a sudden unavailable. He better have the best excuse in the world because at this point I just want to ignore him when he decides to return my call. When you girlfriend sends you a text at 3:00am that she is up with her son and feels terrible seeing him like this than you should respond when you wake up. Then when you do not text and your girlfriend calls you twice before 9:00am (when the boyfriend is usually up and about at 7:00am) you better have the best reason in the world as to why you have not even made an attempt to make contact. Especially since last night before bed we were discussing how worried I am about the whole situation and how the doctors are acting like it is no big deal. This is why women are crazy. I’m just saying. This is why my friends and family are the ones that I have an easier time trusting.

I feel like I may cry right now so I am going to end this post here and hopefully be in a happy, sun-shiny mood tomorrow to give you something to be cheerful about. Or I will just ramble on and hope that other crazy people can relate to me.

Thanks for listening internets…

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2 thoughts on “Teardrops

  1. This crazy person can definitely relate. Sounds like the epitome of a glass case of emotion. Gotta love the domino effect when it comes to one frustrating issue after another…so much fun! Anyways, stay strong and keep your head held high because you have always pulled thru every challenge life has thrown your way and you will again. If you can get a few minutes to yourself tho, let the tears flow freely, sometimes it helps to get a good cry in. Joshy will get better and he and everyone else know that you are the best mommy in the world and nothing would stop you from doing what is best for him. Just try not slice anyone with your words bc u know that u r a genius at it and it will only make u feel worse in the long run. I love you friendship and I have faith that you will prevail once more! (ps- ur Gaston reference and pic r amazing)

    • Thank you friendship face! Love you too! I had to throw some sort of comedy in there to keep myself sane. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie in the world. I know every single word.

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