Weddings are a difficult monster for me to wrap my head around. Sometimes I feel like I love them and other times I feel like I wish that they would never happen again. Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrating with my friends and being a part of their wedding. It is an honor to be able to stand there at the front of the church with your friend on the happiest day of their life.. so far (they haven’t had any kids so it can’t be the happiest overall). I am not married and do not foresee a marriage happening anytime soon in my life. I am ok with that (maybe). A married friend of mine told me that she did not like going to weddings or being in them very much until she actually got married. This makes a ton of sense. For women, our entire lives we have been programmed to think that real adult life does not completely start until you are married and living ‘the dream’.
Marriage is not something that I really wanted to do until recently and I do not know if that is because I see all of my friends doing it and I want presents too or if I really want it. The entire idea is pretty daunting. I already have a son from a relationship that did not work out and I have to be extra careful who I bring into his life because I do not want him to experience the heart break also if it does not work out.
Yesterday was the wedding shower for my dear friend and I had an attitude problem all day even before arriving at said shower. I do not like feeling out of place and although I have been friends with her for almost ten years, she has many friends that I do not really know; most of whom are either engaged, married, or happily in a relationship. This makes me want to vomit. Listening to all these happy women cluck away about all of the bliss and wonderful sex that awaits my friend is just not what I wanted to be around at that time. I put on my happy face and never once let it show how I felt because this was a day for my friend and I would not dare interfere with that because I am insecure about my relationship status.
Truth is I know that there is no way that every single person in that room is in a relationship that is as happy as it came off. I wish it was but if you have not looked around lately with live in America (aka Murica) and people just do not stay married and often marry for the wrong reasons altogether. I believe that my friend is marrying someone that is perfect for her and that will be able to stay around and work through the difficult times that come with relationships. Am I the only person that wishes that women would be more honest about what they struggle with in their relationship? Why does everyone put on a happy face all the time like everything is all rainbows and flying unicorns? Relationships are hard and if someone can let me in on their situation it may help me and other women out also. Everyone is focused on the picture that the world sees. That is not important if you are not happy. Let’s share our struggles as women and help one another. We really need to be better to each other as well.
And for god sakes stop calling each other bitches. It really is not cute and sounds terribly tacky. Just sayin’.
Smile today 🙂