Student loan demons

Today started out as a great day…. and even after I spent my entire paycheck paying bills and realizing that I have no idea how my son and I are surviving with what is left over I was still in a great mood. When did it all change? It was something so small that set me off and I am sure you will get a kick out of it.

We were all trying to decide what to order for lunch at work on Fat Girl Friday and I had decided on the lunch special; a small pepperoni pizza for $6.50. That is more than I like to spend on myself for a meal because I am cheap and I have a kid to feed. After said designated ordered placed the orders she told me that my total was $9 plus tip. Nine dollars? What in the hell kind of tax system is that? Turns out she accidentally ordered me the 10″ pizza that was 7.99 plus $.99 for pepperoni. Inside I was losing my mind and thought that a literal explosion was going to happen (no I didn’t have to fart). She offered to pay the difference and I declined and kept it fairly cool on the surface. You may sit back and think that it is not a big difference in the cost and nothing to worry about.

The above scenario then made me start to think about all of the debts I owe, the largest being Mount Student Loan Debt! That mountain is a beast and gives me guilt when I do anything with my money other than make payments toward it. I haven’t made any payments of the minimum due and I keep telling myself that I will. The only problem is that after everything is paid off I barely have enough for gas, food and household essentials. There is like $20-$40 left after that depending on the pay period and I feel like I deserve to do something for myself or something fun with my son costs money. We do free things all the time but he deserves to get to do other fun things with me also.

After splattering my twitter feed with complaints about student loan debt I still was not done feeling sorry for myself. I began to obsess about other people and their financial situations (to which I know very little I might add) and how everyone seemed to be able to have more, do more, dress better, etc. all on similar and sometimes even less income. Here is where I had to slam the breaks on the crazy train and snap back to reality. No one is in the same place that I am in life and for all I know they are worse off then me. After all, I do not go around telling people how much I am struggling (even though compared to many I am not struggling because I can pay my bills) and I am sure that it appears to be all well and good.

All in all I need to stop comparing myself to others and be thankful for the blessing that I do have. My financial situation is just one part of my life and I have so many other things to be happy about. One small piece being the health of myself and my son. He can make me want to rip my baby toe off with my bare hands but at the same time when I look at his face all I want to do is smile because he is the best thing that I have ever done. He made me a better person and saved my life.. That is for another post. Anyway, time to get back to Friday and being a happy person.




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